Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy Read online

  There is no need for umbrellas or coats as the rain cascades toward us. I stand with my arms outstretched, welcoming its temporary cool wetness against my skin.

  ‘You still love the afternoon downpour, AB?’ Jeremy knows I’ve embraced the heavy rainfall that arrives religiously every day.

  ‘I love everything about it, the smell, the feel, the taste, the sight of it. It’s as if Mother Nature is tantalising us with her brilliance. Just when the heat becomes too oppressive, almost unbearable, she provides us with this. Overloading our senses but continuing to hide her secrets.’

  ‘I feel the same way. It is indeed a gift to be able to experience nature like this,’ adds Leo, as we stand in awe of the beauty surrounding us. I’m suddenly a little overwhelmed with gratitude for what Leo has done for us. I turn to him beside me.

  ‘Thank you, Leo. For everything. I would never have believed this journey was possible, let alone that I’d have the opportunity to experience anything like this with both of you, my family and tribal elders guiding our path. There is magic in its unexpectedness.’

  His eyes reflect the deeper meaning of my words and even though he remains silent, I know he understands.

  I hug Leo and feel the same familiar electricity, emitting kindness and a sense of calm over my psyche that occurs every time our bodies connect, even now when we are completely saturated. I don’t know why it’s like that between us but since I met him in Miami, his presence seems to give me the courage to accept my fate, knowing he will be by my side. Even stranger is when I have spoken to Jeremy about this he shows no jealousy or concern, just acceptance that this is the way things should be. Perhaps he is more Zen than I ever give him credit for.

  After our brief respite, the rains pass and our journey continues up and over the side of the mountain.

  We eventually arrive at our evening destination, our first bivouac truly under the stars and I’m infused with excitement. I gaze around and am immediately drawn to a magnificent tree looming high above us, its branches outstretched like arms ready to either embrace or to capture our small gathering. This contrast intrigues me.

  ‘Leo, what tree is that?’ He has a brief discussion with the elders who seemingly nod their heads in discussion and approval at my question.

  ‘That is the grand lupuna tree, which contains a spirit that is regarded as the guardian of the rainforest. Its trunk is said to resemble a human abdomen and must be treated with the respect its majesty deserves.’

  ‘Are we able to walk up to touch it?’ I can’t explain it, I’ve always had an intense desire to touch giant trees and this one in particular is pulling me irresistibly toward it. Again, he confers with the elders.

  ‘Yes, you may. Follow Yaku, he will take you. The local legend is if you insult the tree it is known to take revenge with its magic. If you respect its presence, it will protect you from the dangers of the rainforest,’ he says with a wink and a smile.

  ‘Nothing but respect, Leo, I can assure you.’

  ‘I’d never doubt that, Alexandra.’ His words make it sound as though he’s known me for years rather than weeks. ‘We’ll stay here and set things up for tonight. Enjoy.’

  I go to give Jeremy a quick kiss and his arms hold me back. ‘Sorry, sweetheart, I promised.’

  ‘Really?’ I ask, shocked. ‘Not even a kiss?’

  ‘I’m afraid not.’

  ‘Jeez, I would have made more of an effort to have a decent farewell.’

  ‘I don’t think we did too badly, AB,’ he adds with the cheeky smile I love. As soon he mentions it, I feel the lingering tenderness in my groin.

  ‘Hear, hear,’ confirms Leo with a laugh. ‘We had to wait for hours for you two.’

  I blush. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. So my celibacy begins,’ I say as I take one last swig of water.

  I look toward Leo anticipating a joke or some additional sarcastic comment. None arrives. I’m getting to know that Leo doesn’t joke about things he firmly believes in.

  I reluctantly shake my head in acceptance as I stride off to commune with the tree.

  What a wonder. The tree is huge, well over fifty metres tall with a trunk almost ten metres wide. Its roots are seriously anchored within the forest floor and its leaves stretch way beyond the canopy in search of the sun. As I touch its massive belly, the energy surrounding the tree encompasses me, giving me a sense of its strength and serenity. I can understand why this spiritual tree demands respect.

  I stand with my palms pressed against the trunk for a few minutes before finding a position on a rock where I can observe the tree’s massive form and sense its energy more fully. As I watch from a distance, Yaku pays homage to the giant lupuna by chanting and meditating on his knees at its roots. After a while he carefully pierces the trunk and extracts some sap from underneath its bark to put carefully in his pouch.

  As he does so, it dawns on me that I’m in a giant natural pharmacy, where people knew, and some still know, how to heal using what the plants have within them. I suddenly have a deep understanding that nature is offering us so much more than we realise if we just open our eyes to the opportunities of nature and medicine combined.

  Just as these profound thoughts flood my mind, I hear a loud sharp screech high above our heads. Yaku appears to give thanks to both the tree and the eagle we see soaring high above us.

  ‘Harpy eagle. It is sign, we are ready,’ he says in his broken English.

  I glance up at the huge eagle swirling high above us, around and around the lupuna tree. It appears nature is well and truly talking to Yaku and I know that very soon, nature will be the only thing talking to me. I, too, pay my respects, copying his actions and we return silently to the group.

  Our camp beds are laid out in the clearing around a fire that should protect us from wild animals during the night. Yaku is eager to explain exactly what happened at the lupuna to Leo before he leaves to consult with the two other elders. They start preparing some potion with leaves and the extract from the tree. I try to remain as calm as I was in the presence of the tree before the eagle’s screech, but I can feel the adrenaline creeping into my nervous system as I sense my spiritual journey is about to begin. I tell myself over and over that it will be fine. I can do this.

  As we gather around the fire, my stomach is rumbling from not having eaten for many hours. I take a sip from my water bottle, but it’s now empty so I go to fill it when I notice everyone is seated around the fire.

  ‘Alexandra, please. Come join us,’ Leo calls.

  The time has come. Oh, jeez, why am I so nervous? He places his hand in mine and guides me to the seat next to him and beside Jeremy. Immediately his touch allows me to inhale and exhale more slowly and provides me with a sense of calm. I don’t withdraw my palm when I’m seated; it gives me the security I feel I need. I glance at Jeremy and hold his hand as well, with a half-hearted, nervous smile.

  ‘All will be well, Alexa. We will be here with you physically every step of the way.’

  Even though it’s not the physical component I’m worried about, I still appreciate his words, making the most of what may be the last of his voice. But I have to wonder where in god’s name will I be? I’ll be fine, I reassure my mind; plenty of people have done this before. People have been doing it for years to achieve an enlightened state …

  I glance around realising that everyone is waiting for me to be present with them, as if they can hear my internal chatter themselves. That would be embarrassing. I breathe deeply again, relax, just relax.

  Leo, naturally, leads the description of what happens next.

  ‘Yaku tells us that the harpy eagle, the most powerful raptor in the Americas, has signalled that the spirits are ready to accept and guide your entry into their world. Usually the soul flight of a westerner would only occur with the shaman, but apparently the spirit of the lupuna, the most powerful protector in the jungle, will ensure your safe return to this place and the elders have been granted permission for you to commence your jour
ney a little earlier than planned.’

  I can’t really speak, not that I have too much to say. I feel like I’m going into some form of surgery that all the doctors are completely comfortable with because they’ve done it so many times before, neglecting the fact that it may be the patient’s first time under the knife and they are utterly petrified. Apprehension is whooshing through my body so profoundly I’m surprised they can’t hear it.

  ‘In experiencing soul flight, we are able to tap into nature in its purest form, our original human design. We have the opportunity to ask ourselves whether we are living the life that is our destiny, the reason we were born. It inspires us to re-align and adjust our lives in the present and awaken the innocence in our hearts. It isn’t about exploring uncharted territory so much as simply coming full circle, returning home to our purest self, our simplest essence and deciding whether we accept this into the here and now. On occasions, soul flight may show us glimpses of our ancestral past; this can serve to provide greater understanding of our future, though it may not be clear at the time. Once your journey commences, Alexandra, you will only commune with nature, without human interference, until your journey concludes. It will begin with your first sip of this drink, prepared by the elders. Its ingredients have been determined via messages from the spirit world.’

  I decide to ask while I know someone will still answer: ‘How long will I be gone for?’ I raise my fingers to highlight the word ‘gone’.

  ‘No one knows the answer to that question; it depends on your own journey. Just like in dreams, sometimes what seems like a long time occurs in seconds; other people can feel like they have been gone only moments to find it has been days. Your soul flight will be completely unique to you.’

  ‘Don’t you think it would be better to wait until I’m with the shaman?’ I make my last desperate plea to prolong the inevitable.

  Leo briefly exchanges words with the elders. ‘Yaskomo, the shaman, is aware the journey needs to commence now, as the eagle is a sign from the spirit world. You will meet him at the point of your journey when the stars align.’

  I really don’t get the whole ‘stars align’ thing that they keep mentioning so I don’t bother asking and move on to more practical issues, like my rumbling stomach.

  ‘Are we eating first?’

  ‘No, you will not eat, it is a far more powerful and insightful experience when abstaining from food. The only thing you are to ingest is the ayahuasca mixed with the sap of the lupuna tree.’ He indicates the pot hanging over the fire.

  ‘And that is what exactly?’

  This time Jeremy answers. ‘Ayahuasca is a brew of pyschoactive decoctions prepared from the Banisteriopsis caapi vine mixed with leaves of dimethyltryptamine, or DMT.’

  I just stare at him blankly. His scientific explanation is as helpful to me as Yaku explaining it in his native language.

  ‘It was described by a Harvard ethnobotanist in the 1950s as having divinatory and healing purposes.’ It sounds like this provides some credibility that otherwise wouldn’t exist from Jeremy’s perspective.

  Leo chimes in. ‘It’s also known to provide spiritual revelations regarding a person’s purpose on earth and give insight into being the best they can be, by accessing a higher spiritual dimension.’ Leo and Jeremy seem to be teaming up to offer a balanced science-meets-spirituality explanation. How lovely!

  ‘Are there any known side effects?’

  ‘Vomiting and potentially diarrhoea,’ Jeremy replies. Hmm, not so good. ‘Medically, it is a reaction to the mild toxins released in your stomach as a result of ingesting the brew. But spiritually, it is the release of negative emotions and energy built over the span of your human life.’

  ‘I’m impressed.’ I try to squeeze Jeremy’s hand wondering when he had time to do this research, although it shouldn’t surprise me. This is well and truly his forte. He shakes his head apologetically, rejecting my touch.

  ‘So you’re both saying I should come through this more enlightened, understand the universe and my place in it, and maybe even a little lighter than I am now, correct?’

  They both laugh.

  ‘More or less, sweetheart, yes, that’s the idea. But hopefully not too much lighter, you’re perfect the way you are.’ His eyes glance at Leo’s, almost pleading for a promise that that is all that will happen to me.

  ‘And I could be gone minutes or days, we just don’t know?’

  ‘That’s right. But know whatever happens, Alexandra, physically we will be right by your side.’

  ‘I’ll never leave you, AB, you know that.’

  ‘I do, yes.’

  I regard each of them solemnly. Why does drinking this seem so much more serious than having a potent ‘cheers’ with Jeremy as we embark on one of our many wild adventures? The absinthe that I drank in Sydney, when all this began, pops into my mind. But I know, we all know, why this is different. My life and future freedom depend on the outcome of this journey.

  Yaku passes me a cup of the steaming brew.

  I look around, absorbing each of their faces in the light of the flames.

  ‘Anyone else partaking?’

  ‘Just you this time,’ Leo responds. ‘Our legs will remain firmly on the ground. Bon voyage, Alexandra.’

  ‘And you won’t speak to me until it’s over?’

  He shakes his head. My time has obviously begun.

  Jeremy squeezes my hand for the last time before releasing me to the waiting spirit world, mouthing the words ‘I love you’ as I take my first guarded sip. No ‘skol’ or ‘cheers’ this time.

  The potent potion is difficult to take at first, but with each sip I adapt to its bittersweet taste and it warms me from the inside. I can detect the slight hint of peppermint and ginger and wonder whether these have been added to the mix in an attempt to calm my stomach. There is no use asking, as no one will answer me now anyway.

  I’m not sure whether I was expecting something dramatic or not, but I remain seated and relaxed around the fire as I finish the potion, just as everyone else sits relaxed, in silence for quite some time. The flames appear to lick their faces and they warm my body from the outside.

  My reverie is interrupted as I hear the sudden screech of what looks to be the same eagle in the twilight sky. This time it isn’t circling around the lupuna tree, it is determinedly closing in on our site. Suddenly my vision locks onto its tiny, beady eyes, and I can see clearly its white underbelly and black wings, even the striped feathers encircling its legs. I try to disengage to see if the others are concerned by the closeness of this massive bird of prey, with a wingspan seemingly as wide as a man is tall, but my gaze remains fixed and it seems to be swooping directly toward me. I fear the enormous bird is going to come crashing into me, knocking me off my seat, and my arms automatically come up to cover my face and protect me from its huge clawed feet, but instead I rise from my seat and am lifted to the great heights it can reach.

  Suddenly, I am seeing this great land through the harpy eagle’s eyes. I watch below as our little gathering is left behind, sitting perfectly still like tiny figurines, the flames of the fire becoming the size of a firefly as we rapidly ascend further into the sky and soar above the earth. This is an awesome experience.

  As we continue, I am at one with the eagle and the earth below us looks like a mere marble, its insignificance from these heights almost overwhelming. All fear and foreboding is lost. I only feel happiness and hope. I’m surprised by the clarity of my thought processes — for some reason I expected to feel drunk from the elders’ concoction.

  It’s as if we are in transit to somewhere else but I don’t know to what or where. That is, until I abruptly disconnect from the eagle and plummet downwards. My body feels exactly like it did when I was hurled from a plane, blindfolded, with Jeremy, the same G-force penetrating every extremity. Yet this time I can see the eagle flying high above me, and the earth accelerating toward me from below. I am attached to no one, have no wings and seem to be o
n a one-way collision course with the ground. My heart is racing and I’m starting to panic. Surely this can’t be soul flight, Leo never mentioned anything like this …

  The ground comes toward me so fast I’m sure my speed is increasing by the millisecond. Gravity trips me up and I tumble into an uncontrollable spin, unable to determine up from down, this way from that. I’m gasping for oxygen and my brain feels like it could implode with the pressure of relentless rotations. Then I smash into the ground and feel as though my body has shattered into a million tiny pieces, forever lost in the atmosphere.

  Oh, dear lord, am I dead?

  Lake Bled

  Madame Jurilique is furious. ‘What do you mean we haven’t received any response? We have been tracking her every move and now you tell me she has simply vanished into thin air? This is simply impossible. I explicitly stated that she was to call the number provided the second she landed in Europe.’ Madeleine frowns. Her is heart pumping hard, but it should be in anticipation of Dr Alexandra Blake’s arrival, rather than her frustrating absence. ‘Absolutely nothing? You’re sure?’

  She slams down the phone, wondering what on earth could have gone wrong. Again. The instructions were perfectly clear and she knows they were delivered successfully. Madeleine believes herself to be an excellent judge of character and she knows that Dr Blake would never risk her children if she were able to save them from any harm. It was the perfect plan. That is, unless she doesn’t turn up.

  For the first time she concedes that she might have been wrong and her face scrunches in fury. First Josef, now this. She slams her fist onto the desk and as she does she catches a reflection of herself in the glass wall of her office.

  Momentarily distracted from the task at hand she turns, horrified at what she sees. The reflection shows a more-than-middle-aged, stressed, wrinkled face that should be smooth and refined. She certainly paid enough for her last face-lift. She couldn’t possibly be due for another one, surely?