Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy Read online

  I can only hope and pray that he has been safely reunited with his wife, though as much as I want that to be true, I know deep down that the two men on the pier with the guns aimed toward Josef would in all likelihood have been Louis and Fred. They were the men who had guarded me in the castle embedded in the hills north of Ljubljana. Madame Goldy’s right-hand men.

  Josef’s betrayal of both Xsade and his boss, Madame Jurilique, would surely precipitate a reaction no human being would choose to experience. I have never met a more dangerous and narcissistic woman. Since my escape, Martin has provided us with regular updates and background on her, which makes her even more sinister. She operates in society as an elite, well-educated leader of industry and moves in circles of influence most people only dream of … well, people other than Jeremy and Leo, I suppose. Yet she has about as much heart as a ravenous anaconda carefully manipulating and devouring her prey. Shivers ripple through my body as my concern for Josef’s wellbeing reaches fever pitch. And now she wants me back within her vile corporate web for further experimentation, explicitly involving my blood.

  I have no doubt that Madame Jurilique will follow through on the threats contained in her letter. I still hold the letter apprehensively in my trembling hands, and I read it again as though I’m somehow willing its contents to have changed.

  Dear Doctor Blake,

  I do hope you have had a wonderful time recuperating in the Mediterranean with your lover and have enjoyed the delights of Disney World with your sweet children, Elizabeth and Jordan.

  It is so unfortunate that you were not able to properly conclude the entire 72 hours at our facility. After having provided us with such useful information, there is but one element we now require.

  Should you not be forthcoming in relation to our requirements we shall once again be forced to take circumstances into our own hands. The enclosed news headlines are but a sample of the strategies we will employ to ensure that we acquire what we need from you, so please let me be clear.

  We need your blood.

  If, for some reason, you decide not to cooperate with our request within the next ten days, we shall be forced to proceed with our global ‘Do you really know Dr Alexandra Blake?’ campaign. Needless to say, I shouldn’t have to remind you that we have some wonderfully explicit photographs and video clips to authenticate our headlines.

  While I have your attention, I should also mention that should this not procure your participation, we would look to acquire the next best thing — the blood of your children.

  I shall look forward to working with you again in the very near future.

  Sincere regards,

  Madame Madeleine de Jurilique

  If she can’t have access to me, she will ensure no one else does either, in any way, shape or form. I also have no doubt that keeping Jeremy and me apart would give her an added sense of psychotic joy, knowing that she is controlling me and he cannot do anything about it. The thought makes me nauseous all over again.

  Salina, who works for Martin as part of Leo’s security team, is still in Europe attempting to locate both Josef and Jurilique. During her investigations she discovered that Lauren Bertrand, the French member of Jeremy’s Global Research Forum, was bitterly disappointed that Jeremy was given the role of Project Leader rather than herself. An email exchange between Lauren and Madeleine promised that Jeremy would get what he deserves both professionally and personally. They just needed a little more time and patience.

  If anything happened to Jeremy or my children I don’t think I could live with myself. No, I know I couldn’t live with myself. The sheer evil of her suggestion is mind-blowing … if I don’t meet her demands, she will endeavour to procure the blood of my children! How dare she? She is one sick woman whose desire for power, money and ultimate market control means she will stop at absolutely nothing. How dare she threaten my children! They are my world, they mean everything to me. I will protect them with my life. And my blood.

  Once again, I return to the room Elizabeth and Jordan are sharing. My profound need to see their small bodies resting soundly is overwhelming. It’s difficult for me to believe that they are already nine and seven years old. Time has flown by so fast. My emotions are as raw as my love is strong. As I gently smooth the hair away from their angelic faces and kiss their foreheads, I lay my palms against their hearts so they can each sense my love for them drifting through their innocent sleep.

  ‘Sweet dreams, my cherubs. My love for you is as deep as the core of the earth and as high as the stars in the sky.’ My voice is low and heavy within my chest, and I breathe their presence deeply into my lungs before gently closing the door behind me.

  I return to the kitchen where Martin and Jeremy are still huddled over their notepads, brainstorming strategies and the next steps in my life. As soon as Jeremy senses me in the room he rushes to embrace me in his strong arms. Arms I so desperately long to be cradled in forever, but I know this will be impossible in the short term.

  ‘Don’t worry, sweetheart, we will get through this.’ He searches my face and cups my cheeks gently between his palms, tilting my head upwards to meet his gaze. I can’t help but notice that his beautiful features are riddled with anxiety; his green eyes are even smokier than ever given the depth of his emotion for me. ‘I won’t let her touch you or the children, Alexa. We will protect you at all costs. I promise you.’

  I swallow the lump in my throat that threatens to break me, knowing that Jeremy’s word is his bond and this is never more true than when his promises involve me. I have never in my life needed to be stronger with him than now.

  ‘Please sit down, Jeremy.’ I guide him back to his seat at the table, knowing I need the advantage of my standing position. I pause until I have their undivided attention.

  ‘I have made my decision.’

  He immediately jumps back up. So much for that strategy.

  ‘What do you mean, you have made your decision? We haven’t discussed anything yet, besides Martin and I have been working through options —’

  ‘Jeremy, please,’ I interrupt, ‘there is nothing to discuss. If my children are at risk there is only one solution.’ I steady my hands against the table and take a deep breath, preparing the words I need to release before they falter. ‘The bitch can have my blood. It’s only blood. I want this nightmare to end. If she gets what she wants, maybe my life will be left intact rather than in the pieces in which she seems determined to shred it.’

  I’m always shocked to hear myself unexpectedly swear, but it seems Madame Goldy brings out the very worst in me.

  ‘Over my dead body, Alexa. It is not going to happen.’

  A heaviness descends on his mood and the seriousness of his voice confirms that my decision is far from agreed from his perspective. This could be a very long night. He indicates to Martin by a nod of his head to pack up the notes on the table, then takes a firm grip of my elbow and steers me into the lounge room. I hear the front door quietly open and close. Here we go. I brace myself for the inevitable conflict and decide to make the first move.

  ‘I will not put my children in any danger, Jeremy, ever.’

  His arms wrap around me and he doesn’t let me go. He holds my head against his chest, pressing my ear to the beat of his heart, his lips touching the top of my head. I try to stay strong. I try to push him away before I am forced to tear myself away, away from the man I have finally been reunited with after all these years, the man I have loved since I first understood what love could be.

  ‘Let it go, sweetheart. You don’t need to do this alone. I am here for you. Please, let me be strong for you, for all of you.’ His words penetrate through my implacable facade and my body crumples within his firm grasp. Tears spill from my eyes as his body remains the rock his words promised. Although I still know what path I must take, I have to concede that Jeremy knows exactly what I need right now. He secures me in his embrace until my tears subside, understanding my emotional exhaustion before effortlessly scooping m
e up and carrying me into the master suite, placing my weary body and mind carefully on the bed as if I’m made of eggshells — a good reflection of how I feel, actually.

  ‘Do you need something to help you sleep?’ he asks gently.

  ‘You know what I’m like, Jeremy. Even the weakest drug seems to hit me hard. I’ll see how I go. Right now I have so many uncontrollable thoughts running through my head. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Can I help in trying to subdue them for a while?’

  ‘How?’ Wondering where his mind is going.

  ‘I could run a bath.’

  ‘Ah …’ I relax a little. ‘What a perfect suggestion.’

  ‘Lavender?’

  The tiniest of smiles appears on my face, accompanying the worry that creases my brow. ‘Of course.’

  A few minutes later, slightly calmer, in the serenity of the surrounding warmth of scented water, I snuggle close into Jeremy’s chest as I lie nestled between his legs.

  ‘Just when everything was going so well, she pulls the rug from beneath our feet — again. Why can’t we find her, J? Why hasn’t she been brought to face any form of justice?’

  ‘Her time will come, sweetheart, I promise you. Someone like Jurilique will come unstuck eventually, even if it is by her own doing.’

  ‘Eventually isn’t soon enough. I need her to come unstuck in the next ten days before my life implodes into the unknown yet again.’

  His legs immediately tense around my body. ‘You will not be going anywhere near that woman, Alexa.’

  I know this isn’t going to be an easy argument to win with him, but he must know that I don’t have a choice given the circumstances, surely?

  ‘You’ve gone quiet. Why?’ he murmurs into my hair.

  He has always been able to ask me the unanswerable. I am quiet. I’m quiet because I don’t want to have this argument, one we should never be forced to have, an argument that will cause us both no end of pain because of who we are and what we know is imperative to our lives. Me to him and my children to me.

  I release a deep sigh filled with both frustration and resignation. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say. I feel numb.’

  ‘I can understand you feeling numb. Just as I feel furious with her heinous demands. But I know you too well, AB, to think that you don’t have thousands of thoughts running through that beautiful head on your shoulders. Please, share them with me. Now more than ever we need to communicate openly with each other. Don’t let her get between us by sending a piece of paper.’

  An anxious chuckle escapes me at his oversimplification of my dilemma. ‘Is that how you would describe those headlines if they were about you, Dr Quinn? A mere piece of paper.’

  The image of those headlines has been burned indelibly into my brain:

  Slut mother shuns kids for kinky sex experiment.

  Dr Blake bares all — check out her best angles here.

  Psychologist turns Psycho — would you leave your kids with this mother?

  Adultery — sadomasochism — is this what you teach your kids?

  ‘I’m not saying it’s great, obviously. But it’s nothing we can’t deal with. We are stronger than that.’

  ‘The photos, J, you should see the photos she has of me. As if the headlines aren’t bad enough but she has the graphic evidence that, shown in the wrong context, supports them. If they were just between you and me, I’ve no doubt we’d find them privately provocative. But to share them with the world … I’m a mother, a professional. This exposure will ruin me, ruin us. The way Jurilique presents them means they can only be seen as seriously f’ed up from society’s perspective. I don’t want to be in a world where they exist publicly. And imagine if the kids ever saw …’ I choke on my tears, which prevents me from continuing.

  ‘They won’t, Alexa.’

  Frustration at his dismissal of my fears tumbles out in my words. ‘Don’t tell me they won’t when they will. You don’t know what she’s like. I’ll end up as a recluse if I don’t give her what she wants in ten days. Unable to work any more, unable to face the world, or even my own family if the truth be known. I swear to God and to you, I will never allow her to touch my children. She can have my blood and I’ll keep my life. It’s the only way to deal with this.’

  I feel Jeremy’s chest rise and fall with each breath, and I sense his attempt to control his anger and anxiety for my sake. His palm is absentmindedly stroking my shoulder and now I wish I could hear his thoughts. I’m as concerned about his silence as he was with mine. We both know this argument is not going to be resolved tonight, so I change tack. ‘Can you promise me one thing?’

  ‘Depends.’ His mood remains dark; he is still far away from me, absorbed in his thoughts.

  ‘We only have a few more days left at Disney World with the kids until we meet up with Robert. I don’t want them to know anything about this. I want to enjoy this time with them in case —’

  His hand immediately covers my mouth, stopping me from saying any more.

  ‘Don’t ever speak like that, Alexa. I literally won’t let you.’ He maintains this position to give more credence to his statement and grips me tight against his hard body, as if buying time to get his own thoughts in order. His legs anchor around mine and twist around my ankles, spreading me as wide as the bath will allow. I’m fully restrained against him. ‘But I think it’s a good idea,’ he continues. ‘We should maintain the status quo while we’re here, for the sake of the children.’

  I immediately relax as he accepts my suggestion and my body melts into the warmth of his.

  ‘Now that we have at least agreed on one thing, I have some additional business to attend to.’ I try to speak, but his hand still covers my mouth. I think he is enjoying controlling the silence, possibly the only thing he can control about me at the moment, so I remain still against him. He can sense my question. ‘Well, sweetheart, if you’re not going to accept any drugs to help you sleep tonight, then the least I can do is provide your mind and body some relief and distraction from your endless thought processes.’

  His free arm slides beneath my body and arrives conveniently between my legs, tantalisingly close to my sex. His hand around my mouth now stifles my groans, rather than my words, and he doesn’t hesitate to slip his finger in to torment my tongue. He has deftly pre-empted any potential protest as his magic fingers work between my legs to send my body into a frenzy. Almost instantly my ‘endless’ thoughts vaporise into the steaming water surrounding us.

  I would have sworn that it would have been impossible for me to orgasm in my current state of angst. I was wrong. Twice, as a matter of fact. What is it about us and baths?

  Needless to say, my emotional exhaustion, and the ultimate escapism he provided enabled me to achieve just what the doctor ordered … a dreamless night’s sleep.

  Wishing time would stand still rather than marching determinedly forward, we spend the next few days wholeheartedly engaged with Elizabeth and Jordan at Disney World. We water slide, fall from terrifying heights, get splashed on boat rides, experience 4D movies, see ghosts, meet Mickey and Minnie and Donald’s entire family, Lightning McQueen, Tinkerbell and Ariel, and they all still managed to touch the kids’ hearts, as did their rides. Martin is never more than a few feet away from us and it was obvious he and Jeremy have reinforcements, who, even though they attempt to blend into the crowds, are continually loitering in the background. I don’t want anything to distract me from the kids’ joy so I don’t discuss it with Jeremy, knowing it would be a yet another redundant argument. I can’t help but notice the tentative looks that continually pass between him and Martin whenever we are out in public. Each time I catch them, Jeremy immediately masks his concern with a smile and enthusiastically captures the kids’ attention to distract me, and them, from my impending doom.

  Our initial plan is to check out of the hotel tomorrow night and fly to Los Angeles to meet up with Robert, before heading back to Tasm
ania. I’m not sure if I want Robert involved in any of this chaos. I just want it to be over as soon as possible. Jeremy has asked me to think about whether or not I would have Elizabeth and Jordan’s blood tested; perhaps I’m being naive, but I want them to enjoy the holiday without needles and my mess impinging on their happiness. So many irresolvable thoughts, questions and logistics cascade through my head.

  We haven’t had further discussions. We are both desperately trying to live in denial as long as we can stretch it out. A few times during the night, when we are meant to be sleeping, I notice Jeremy out in the lounge room with only the lamp on. One time I catch him pacing the floor and speaking in hushed, anxious tones on the phone. As soon as he sees me in the doorway he quickly hangs up and wraps me in his arms, ushering us both back to bed. The look in his eyes clearly informs me that any questions I have will not be answered right now, but I try anyway.

  ‘Jeremy, we need to talk. There is so much to work out and I’m starting to freak —’

  He silences me with an index finger across my lips, looks something up on his phone and slips it into the docking station before whipping into the bathroom and returning with the ylang ylang massage oil. No doubt he senses my restlessness, but he hasn’t uttered a word since ending his phone call. When he returns the acoustic sounds of classic Australian songs filter through the room.

  He slides off my pyjama top (I thought it was best to leave the negligees for when we’re on our own, for the kids’ sake) and guides me onto my stomach. Straddling my buttocks, he positions my arms either side of my body and rubs his hands together in the slippery oil. His large hands slide along my back and shoulders, loosening the tension that has been building since the arrival of the Wicked Witch’s letter. This feels so good.

  He continues along my arms and hands, ensuring no part of my upper body is left ignored. I release a sigh as some more of my tension eases. After his thorough absorption with my back, he guides me to my front, now straddling my hips and thighs. He re-anoints his palms with the oil and begins the same process over my belly, chest and breasts. I feel my muscles melting under his firm rhythmic touch.