Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy Page 20

  ‘No, no that’s not what I meant. God, you just had me so worried. You fainted.’

  I must drift off again as next time I open my eyes the room seems really bright, which reminds me what we were talking about before all this medical business interfered with our conversation.

  ‘Is it morning? Jeremy! Have I missed —’

  ‘There’s nothing to miss.’ He attempts to calm his voice. ‘There is no presentation to the AMA.’ The light diminishes.

  ‘You cancelled me? My one chance to present?’ I ask, incredulous.

  ‘No, sweetheart, please lie still. Try to keep calm. You are exhausted. God, I’ve pushed you too hard … too far.’ He pauses. ‘There never was a presentation to the AMA. It was all organised to ensure we had enough time together.’

  ‘What? No meeting?’

  ‘You have no more lectures for the rest of the week. The only lecture you had to present was the one you did last Friday.’

  ‘What? … How? … I don’t understand …’ I’m so tired I can’t get my head around his words.

  ‘There is too much for you to understand right now and nothing you need to worry about except rest, which is the most important thing you need.’

  ‘No lectures? … All cancelled … Was it that bad, my first lecture? … you said it was good.’ Strangely, insecurity sweeps through me. I feel really weak.

  ‘It was great, you know it was. Now, just close your eyes and rest.’ He places his palm on my cheek and nods to somebody positioned behind me.

  ‘No, I can’t rest Jeremy. What happened? Why am I like this? I might be okay … in a while … to present, you know … could be … and … why do I have an IV? …’

  Reality vanishes.

  I wake up with my eyes acclimatising to their restored state, which puts a smile on my face. A fleeting thought wonders where I am and my foggy head takes a moment to register that Jeremy is staring at me with an anxious expression from the armchair in the corner of the room. Seconds later, he is by my side.

  ‘Just checking your vitals,’ he says before I have the opportunity to utter a word.

  ‘How do you feel?’ Light penetrates my eyeball. I try to shift my head away to no avail.

  ‘Foggy, but better than before, I think.’ I notice the IV still in my hand. ‘Is this necessary?’ My voice is croaky.

  ‘I’ll let you know in the next hour or so. There are a few more things we need to check first.’ He pumps the band around my arm and concentrates on my blood pressure; it feels sensitive and I twinge a little.

  ‘So, definitely no lecture today?’

  ‘No!’ His expression is anxious as he continues his doctor business. I sense that now is not the right time to venture into ‘why the hell not?’.

  It was always near impossible to distract Jeremy mid-task so I don’t bother now. His eyebrows are furrowed as he determinedly checks over my body.

  He lifts up the sheet and for the first time I notice a tube coming from between my legs.

  ‘Oh god, please no!’ I cringe in disbelief.

  ‘What? Oh, it’s just the catheter,’ he says nonchalantly and covers my legs with the sheet so I’m protected from the view. ‘That can come out when I remove the drip,’ he says in his matter-of-fact voice. I suddenly wish the drip would whisk me away into blankness again.

  ‘Right. Not great yet, but not too bad,’ he says to himself as much as me. ‘Are you thirsty?’

  ‘Mmm.’ I nod as I notice how dry my mouth is.

  ‘Nurse!’

  Nurse? Could this be more embarrassing? I mean, honestly.

  He raises my upper body slowly off the bed and brings the water to my lips so carefully, it is as if he thinks I will break. I assure him I won’t … break, that is.

  ‘Frankly, I will be the judge of that.’ Great, still in doctor mode. I decide it’s safer not to argue and ‘frankly’ I don’t have the energy to debate him, so I let out a long sigh instead.

  ‘I don’t like all of these tubes, Jeremy. You know I can’t handle anything hospital-like.’

  ‘I know, sweetheart, just a little longer. I need to know you are getting the right fluids and we only have one more test to complete, then it’s precautionary. I can’t afford to risk anything when it comes to you.’

  My head spins with his words.

  ‘Test? Risk? From fainting?’ I wonder if I am sounding as confused as I feel.

  ‘Nothing you need to worry about. I will take complete care of you, I promise.’

  ‘Jeremy, you’re scaring me and treating me like a child. What are you talking about?’

  He lowers his forehead to mine and kisses my lips lightly. ‘You were amazing, perfect. The results of our experiment, your neural connectivity, well, let’s just say they opened a whole new pathway of research relating to the limbic system.’ He slides his fingers slowly between my breasts, delicately circles my belly button. He continues lower and slides his hand gently between my legs, so as not to disturb the tube, and lightly and magically massages my secret parts.

  His touch, his words, ignite a deep rumbling from within my core. The pleasure is intense, as he targets his approach, the waves unrelenting as my mind struggles to stay present with him and I drift off as delightful tremors overtake my body. It’s as if he has a remote control button for my clitoris. I can’t understand why I am so instantly reactive to his touch. It completely distracts me from asking him what is going on here. The drip, catheter, nurse … it all surrounds me, but makes no sense at all.

  Reality returns as he removes his hands and passes the nurse a small sample of something before she hastily disappears from the room. I suddenly feel like giving in to it all. I don’t want to fight any more; Jeremy can do what he likes. The relief of my surrender is almost overwhelming. I try to look away from the intensity of his stare and eventually close my eyes as I feel big, wet tears sliding down my cheeks.

  ‘You’re emotional. Alex, I’m so sorry. You have been through so much. Too much in some ways. It has taken its toll on you. I promise I will explain everything properly. You just need to rest for a while. Let me look after you.’

  I can’t say anything. As I close my eyes, embracing again the blindness I had railed against only hours ago, tears continue to fall soundlessly, mindlessly. I sense Jeremy’s eyes continually seeking understanding, trying to discover the vulnerabilities that lie beneath the surface of my body and mind. I have nowhere to go, no further layers to hide behind and I know I don’t want to hide from him any more, ever. I love the idea of him intimately understanding my secret places, even more so because they are now so raw, so exposed. I want to be available to him to explore, to experiment, as he wishes, whenever he desires. I have never felt more powerful yet so in need of his power over me. I feel astonishingly proud that for whatever reason, he has chosen me to take on this journey as I lay here naked, truly bare beside him.

  Jeremy wraps his arms around my shoulders, carefully avoiding the drip in my hand, and cradles me close into his chest. There is nowhere I want to be except in his arms. I feel like a small, dependent child as he encircles my body. I am helplessly paralysed as the tears continue to fall. He lovingly wipes the hair away from my face, slowly and softly kissing my eyelids until the tears subside.

  It is at this moment I feel utter exhaustion, even more so than from a long childbirth. I never thought that seeing his eyes, his face, would prove to be so emotional for me. He said he wanted to open me up like the layers of a blossoming rose, ensure I experienced more than I ever had, and he has done exactly that. He has seen parts of me — both physically and emotionally — that perhaps I have never seen or explored myself. There is nothing left, no desire to go against him, no need to seek further understanding, no need to fear. I know and understand that, although he has pushed me far beyond any boundaries I created for myself, he will look after me wholeheartedly while I am in his care. He always has and always will. I give myself over to him entirely. Because for some reason, deep within my
psyche, I know that whatever has happened and whatever will happen is now entirely beyond my control, and for some strange reason, I feel a powerful sense of freedom in that knowledge, just as he said I would.

  I can’t say how many times I doze in and out of sleep or for how long. I vaguely remember Jeremy coming and going, checking and rechecking. I don’t remember the drip or the catheter being removed, for which I am grateful. I have no idea if it is night or day and therefore no clue as to the time. I still feel incredibly fatigued, but with each return to consciousness, my head seems to be in a clearer space, which is a great relief.

  I open my eyes to smile at him lying next to me.

  ‘You’re awake, welcome back!’ He smiles down at me. ‘I just need to roll you over, sweetheart, to tend to your beautiful behind.’ He turns a single light on in an otherwise darkened room.

  ‘Oh, not doctor mode again, please.’ I groan in protest.

  ‘Lay still. This may still be a little sore, but it will heal in no time.’

  ‘Do I have a choice?’ I say, raising my eyebrows.

  ‘None whatsoever. I’m so pleased you finally understand.’

  It is not sore as much as tender and I can’t help but think he is overreacting a little. As I lay there, getting my arse tended to, I hear my stomach growl beneath me. I realise I’m absolutely famished, which can only be a positive sign.

  ‘Hold still. I just need to do one more blood test and then you can eat.’

  ‘One last? How many have you taken?’

  ‘This will be the fourth.’

  He reaches towards his bench of medical paraphernalia and prepares things before harnessing my upper arm and inspecting my veins with his fingers. I barely feel the slight sting in my vein, but look away as he chatters on. ‘You know you have special blood, Alexa. AB is the most biologically complex of all the blood types. It is less than a thousand years old and is more or less an evolutionary mystery. Only around three per cent of the global population have type AB blood, making you incredibly unique, but of course, I always knew that about you. And treasure you all the more for it,’ he adds with a wink before continuing. ‘I recently attended a lecture on its characteristics and it has both medics and scientists intrigued, given its complex and perplexing nature. It’s an enigma really.’ He looks lost in thought.

  ‘Hmmm, lucky me, an enigma and having a name that matches my blood type, what a coincidence.’ Thankfully, the needle is removed before I can be too concerned, his monologue about my blood type providing appropriate distraction from his actions. He swiftly places cotton wool on the entry point and bends my arm for me. I shake my head in defeat.

  ‘So, are you now bottling my blood, due to its “uniqueness”?’ I ask as I notice how many tubes he has filled. No wonder I have been feeling weak. The nurse efficiently removes the vials and herself from the room.

  ‘Some of the research Ed and I have been involved in investigates the “newness” of the AB blood type to the human race and its particular characteristics and we’ve developed some interesting hypotheses. Your involvement in the experiment enabled us to confirm that AB blood has fascinating results when the female is Anglo-Saxon — reflecting the societies where depression is endemic — and these results are even more pronounced if she has completed a full birthing cycle and is pre-menopausal, as you are. That is why we need to monitor your hormone levels and correlate them to the fluids sourced from your orgasms.’

  Just when I think it’s impossible for him to provide any more shock value, here we go again. Is this science fiction or reality?

  ‘So that is what you just handed the nurse before?’

  ‘Exactly. Our results over the weekend have been more conclusive than we were expecting, so we’re a tangible step closer to finalising the formula we aspire to. We’ve been analysing the release of hormones into your bloodstream and correlating them to the secretions of your prostate gland during orgasm. This has confirmed the production of naturally-induced serotonin which stimulates your nervous system. Even more so than we anticipated. Now that we can continue to monitor your hormone levels and sexual activity as it occurs, we can test and finalise the formula that’s been eluding us until this point.’

  This discovery is both intriguing and somewhat disturbing, given my direct involvement. No one does cutting-edge medical research quite like Jeremy! He gives me a moment to absorb his words, and then it dawns on me.

  ‘I have granted you your greatest wish, Jeremy. I am officially your human guinea pig.’ I don’t know why I am stunned by this realisation after so many years. In hindsight, it is so blatantly obvious.

  ‘Sweetheart, you know you are so much more than that.’

  ‘Since we met, I have been your guinea pig, your practice patient … blood tests, injections, bandages, and casts. What has changed? Nothing. You’re still doing it, except we are older, have more responsibilities and you very clearly have far more money, power and access to resources than we ever had back at uni. Which just ups the ante on the risks you are willing to take and, heaven help me, I’m considering coming along for the ride. I’m a mother for god’s sake!’ Strange that all of this is just dawning on me now.

  ‘Oh, come on, Alex, you love it, you always have.’ He snuggles into me with his puppy dog eyes and kisses and canoodles. I try to nudge him away without moving my arm just in case we end up with blood dripping over the white linen sheets. ‘And besides, since when did motherhood give you permission to deny your sexuality?’

  Jeremy and his killer questions — how, pray tell, do I respond to that? I try to think of a stinging response as my stomach launches a tumultuous cry. The perfect excuse to change the subject.

  ‘I could really devour a burger with the works and some super-chunky fries. Can you magic that up for me?’

  ‘I’ve no doubt that could be arranged, but you are having a delicious spring vegetable soup, it’s almost ready.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand. I really need fat-saturated food, seriously.’

  He starts packing up his medical bits and pieces. ‘However, it’s a great sign that you have your appetite back. It has been a while.’

  ‘Jeremy, it’s not fair, after all you have put me through.’

  My eyes search for a phone but I can’t see one so I try to shift towards the edge of the bed. He pulls me back by the ankles.

  ‘No way, AB, you need to stay right here. I mean it; I don’t want you off this bed. If you move, I swear I’ll attach you to it.’ I realise I still have the bands around my wrists and ankles; therefore his threat is a distinct possibility, just as he did before.

  ‘You can’t tell me you have the legal right to keep me bound to the bed?’

  The look on his face reminds me of one of those psycho movies where the unstable psychiatrist is able to lock up innocent patients, all presumably for their own benefit. God, that can’t be possible, can it? Do we honestly give doctors that much power? He grins to show me he’s joking, in this instance at least.

  ‘Okay, okay, I’ll stay put, but when are you going to take these off?’

  ‘After you have eaten all the soup.’

  ‘I am not a child, Jeremy!’

  ‘I can assure you I’m very well aware of that fact, Alexandra. Your body needs good nutrition to fully recover.’

  I dutifully eat all of the soup he insists on feeding me, until every last drop is consumed.

  ‘Well?’ I ask, when finished.

  ‘I’ll see what I can organise.’

  Content, full, and more clear-minded than I have been since my arrival on Friday evening. I rest my head against Jeremy’s chest. He also seems calmer, more at ease than he has been. Automatically, he strokes my hair and face. He has always been exceptionally tactile and I love this about him.

  ‘I’m so relieved I didn’t have to present to the AMA. There is no way I could have done it.’

  ‘Hmmm, you do have a lot to thank me for I have to admit,’ he says teasingly. ‘Seriously, Alex, yo
u had me worried for a while there. It will take you more than a few days to recover, so you won’t be going anywhere until the end of the week.’

  ‘You know I can’t stay here, as much as you appear to be delighting in my entrapment. I have other commitments, regardless of your plans.’

  ‘Sweetheart, you have no commitments this week except for me looking after you. And you know how seriously I take my work.’

  I raise my chin to look up into his eyes, to help me decipher his words and assess their truthfulness. ‘You’re not joking.’

  ‘Not at all. You are my one and only responsibility until I chaperone you to your plane back to Hobart.’

  ‘But you can’t! You have nothing to do with my lectures. Fair enough the AMA but there are others …’

  ‘I do and I have. You are mine for the week. Period. I promise it will not impact on your work in any way, shape or form and besides, part of your work is for me now, anyway.’ He looks very pleased with himself as he adds these words. ‘This whole event has been carefully orchestrated at so many levels, with limitless funding. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you? Our meeting on Friday night didn’t occur by chance, Alex. The entire plan has been in place for months. We provided the funding for the Tassie tiger trip for your children when it almost fell through, and sponsored your recent research and supposed series of lectures this week.’

  I am beginning to realise that this whole weekend is about much more than it first appeared to be. I am a pawn in Jeremy’s greater game of life.

  ‘But why?’

  ‘My world is no longer complete without you in it.’

  His words shoot like Cupid’s arrow into my heart, leaving me speechless.

  ‘Here, I think these can come off now. They have served their purpose.’ He picks up some kind of magnetic rod from the bedside table and carefully slides it along the seam of the leather bindings, releasing them. No wonder I couldn’t remove them. I must look shocked as he offers me further explanation.

  ‘They were magnetically locked, you need this instrument to remove them and they’ve also been serving the purpose of continually monitoring your pulse.’ He really does look smug now.